Me: What is that the guy you hate?
Prit: Who?
Prit: OH MY FUCKING GOD.
Me: Do you see anyone you’re interested in?
Becca: …
Becca: I’m gonna have another cookie, that’s what I’m interested in.
(chefs reveal disgusting dish on TV)
Andy: What is this obelisk of human arrogance?
Me: Wow, who planned this?
Sanila: His friend, the toenail-gate guy.
Andy T: The game will be gays versus straights.
Yi: Segregation? In 2026?
Me: Oh I know why I’m in pain now, I was doing the Rasputin last night.
Becca: What the fuck? When was this?
Me: Are you going to the after party?
Andy: No, I want to sleep.
Me: I know, that’s why you hosted.
(playing Overcooked)
Child: Who is cutting onions and LEAVING THEM THERE?
Chris: I’M SORRY!
Andy: This guy manages Gmail, by the way.
Shawn: It’s still t-shirt weather down here.
Me: Is it still gun violence weather down there too?
Shawn: Ready? (Screams)
Amy: No one was ready for that.
My Friends Say Things 