Andy: Oh no, my lobster’s too buttery and my steak too juicy—
Jess: And my ass too fat! Is that part of it?
Tag Archives: Jess W
Jess: I saw her at Porter Robinson—
Andy: You went to Porter Robinson?
Jess: Yeah I know! It was at Cabana—
Andy: You went to Cabana?
Jess: I know, I was like, what am I doing here? And then I saw her at a Friends Only—
Me: You were at a Friends Only?
Jess: I know! I was like, where am I?
Jess: That was one of the benefits of the frisbee tournament. You could go to the strip club, club, or other strip club.
Jess: A sea is not an ocean?
Me: No, girl.
Jess: True.
Scott: No, he’s now the second seat for Red Bull.
Me: Isn’t there only one seat in the car?
Jess: Is it like second clarinet?
Scott: …yes.
Gurjant: I have a reverse OnlyFans where I send people pics of my feet and only stop when they send me money.
Jess: That’s harassment.
Me: I thought we were past that era of tattoos.
Jess: His body, his choice.
Gurjant: There’s no way she threw that up. It’s so intact.
Jess: She no chew!
Me: I kinda want to floss.
Jess: I NEED TO FLOSS SO. BAD. (Wails)
Jess: You can’t not invite him!
Me: WHO IS HE?
Jess: He has… a big face?
My Friends Say Things 