Me: Did you see the Hellman’s gayonnaise?
Fab: I- …what
Prit: Your nipples align with your earlobes.
Andrew: No, they don’t!
Prit: You’re British, though.
(Discussing Midsommar)
Becca: I want to be the guy that leaves.
Andy: (stares)
Becca: Oh wait, did he die?
Andy: EVERYBODY dies.
(Watching video of AI robot dogs doing backflips)
Me: What is the application for this?
Jenn: I don’t know, violence.
Andy: Oh no, my lobster’s too buttery and my steak too juicy—
Jess: And my ass too fat! Is that part of it?
Me: Dwayne the Rock Johnson has a shampoo line.
Khalil: I don’t trust it, he’s trying to recruit.
Jenn: Remember how happy I was when I didn’t have a job? Everybody does.
Andy: Are drugs vegan? I think they are!
(Someone posts Instagram story in front of us)
Becca: It’s like watching the Mona Lisa being painted in real time.
Prit: Why didn’t you invite us to your wedding?
Me: We didn’t know you then.
Khalil: Not an excuse.
