Me: Oh god, is that 3OH!3 looks like now?
Andy: I don’t want to see it.
Author Archives: Irisa
Me: Nick Cannon has a billion kids.
Sanila: He is the new Genghis Khan.
Becca: How did it get here?
Me: How do we all get here?
Becca: …birth.
Me: Oh, I immigrated.
Me: I couldn’t have dessert, so I just had more biryani.
Ava: I couldn’t have dessert, so I dug into people’s gift boxes.
Dustin: Noooo, not the vape! It’s so gen z and middle-aged at the same time. Schrodinger’s vape.
Andy: (checks phone) I have $35 in Starbucks gift cards?
Me: Wow, I didn’t know I was marrying into money.
Becca: I wouldn’t say I’m unconventional. Like, I’m pretty normal.
Me: (silently shifts gaze to Becca’s rubber frog-shaped shoes)
Ifath: I’m competitive with loser energy.
Jenn: He won’t wear boots. I’m like, they’re not just for cowboys and he’s like, they’re for cowboys. So he refuses to wear boots.
Me: Is this the scandalous one?
Fab: Eh, when they’re rich, there’s always scandals.
