Selby: It was Jake Gyllenhaal.
Andrew: Rest in peace, king.
Khalil: He’s not dead.
Author Archives: Irisa
Andy: Did you see [inaudible] is running for president?
Me: (sits up) Who? WHO?
Andy: Soulja Boy is running for president.
Me: Is he for real?
Andy: I don’t know and I think that’s the issue.
(At a soup-themed retirement party)
Me: Is this Pony [by Ginuwine]?
Becca: (dj-ing) Yes.
Andy: He has no fashion sense, he looks like he robbed an H&M mannequin from ten years ago.
Me: Are you trying out or are you judging?
Fab: I’m always judging.
Scott: I’ve never been such a big hater in my life, I think. I found new ways to be happy.
Chungie: You guys can stay as long as you want, just don’t make me play Scrabble.
German Colleague: We have a new saying, a British Exit, where you say you will leave but won’t.
Khalil: You guys should get divorced, then married again so I can come to the wedding.
Me: (holding a glass of chia seed water) This will be our poo potion.
Andy: Do not call it that.
