Andy: Oh no, my lobster’s too buttery and my steak too juicy—
Jess: And my ass too fat! Is that part of it?
Author Archives: Irisa
Me: Dwayne the Rock Johnson has a shampoo line.
Khalil: I don’t trust it, he’s trying to recruit.
Jenn: Remember how happy I was when I didn’t have a job? Everybody does.
Andy: Are drugs vegan? I think they are!
(Someone posts Instagram story in front of us)
Becca: It’s like watching the Mona Lisa being painted in real time.
Prit: Why didn’t you invite us to your wedding?
Me: We didn’t know you then.
Khalil: Not an excuse.
Jess: I saw her at Porter Robinson—
Andy: You went to Porter Robinson?
Jess: Yeah I know! It was at Cabana—
Andy: You went to Cabana?
Jess: I know, I was like, what am I doing here? And then I saw her at a Friends Only—
Me: You were at a Friends Only?
Jess: I know! I was like, where am I?
Me: Wagwan!
Becca: Oh god, they got you too.
Kaili: Don’t worry sis, he can’t even commit to hair.
Prit: I don’t give a fuck about ethics!
Andy: Not what I want to hear from someone that builds skyscrapers.
My Friends Say Things 