Teresa: (walks in hurriedly)
Me: Oh man, anything I can help with?
Teresa: (exhales) Make men have babies instead.
Author Archives: Irisa
Dilsher: If you barf, I’m dropping you like a hot potato.
Sanila: Shut the fuck up.
Don: I’m a four, it’s out of eight so I’m halfway there.
Me: Living on a prayer!
Don: LIVING ON A PRAYER.
Salon Assistant: (washing my hair and discussing life) …if we perish, we perish.
Me: Dayum… the words of a 21-year-old.
Fabienne: Silicon Valley is too much. Everyone is smart and on a hoverboard.
Ray: They also got a new cat, which they made me follow on Instagram. His or her name is Snow Pea.
Me: WHO ARE WE? WHAT HAVE WE BECOME?
Ava: We are just animals trying to survive. Man, we are more simple than we think.
Becca: (looks at photo) …what IS that?
Me: That’s us uncorking wine in matching shirts.
Iris: Just wanted to tell you to be honest and straight with you, but if you need me to set fire to his apartment, I will.
Don: The tickets were $250 each!
Me and Ally: (gasps)
Don: USD.
Me and Ally: (gasps)
Don: Wait, it doesn’t end there. There was a $75 service fee.
Me and Ally: (opens mouths to gasp)
Don: EACH.
Ally: (covers mouth)
Me: (rolls up sleeve and thrusts arm in middle of table to display goosebumps)
Don and Ally: (howls loudly in horror)
My Friends Say Things 