Andy: (checks phone) I have $35 in Starbucks gift cards?
Me: Wow, I didn’t know I was marrying into money.
Becca: I wouldn’t say I’m unconventional. Like, I’m pretty normal.
Me: (silently shifts gaze to Becca’s rubber frog-shaped shoes)
Ifath: I’m competitive with loser energy.
Jenn: He won’t wear boots. I’m like, they’re not just for cowboys and he’s like, they’re for cowboys. So he refuses to wear boots.
Me: Is this the scandalous one?
Fab: Eh, when they’re rich, there’s always scandals.
Me: Is it true that men can turn off their brains?
Guy at Party: Oh yeah, all the time.
Chungie: I never had it on to be honest.
Dustin: I love 50 Cent, he’s a professional hater.
Me: As a person that—
Becca: Shits a lot?
Me: Well, I guess you could say that.
Andy: I think my views have changed.
Me: Since when?
Andy: Since just now.
(Watching TV)
Me: 晴天？That’s the 晴 in my name! That’s my name! That’s me!
Dad: She got pushed off a cliff.
Me: That’s not me, that’s not me.
My Friends Say Things 