Me: Is it true that men can turn off their brains?
Guy at Party: Oh yeah, all the time.
Chungie: I never had it on to be honest.
Dustin: I love 50 Cent, he’s a professional hater.
Me: As a person that—
Becca: Shits a lot?
Me: Well, I guess you could say that.
Andy: I think my views have changed.
Me: Since when?
Andy: Since just now.
(Watching TV)
Me: 晴天？That’s the 晴 in my name! That’s my name! That’s me!
Dad: She got pushed off a cliff.
Me: That’s not me, that’s not me.
Callie: And I found him in the back, sitting in the office chair, sucking on a ketchup packet.
Me: Was he poor?
Callie: No, he was high.
Ivy: Yeah, this girl was very anti-technology, she had a flip phone. Anyway, she moved to Nova Scotia and gave it to me.
Helen: I would say it doesn’t bother me, but I also live in squalor.
Sinyi: 80-90% of the cabinets are soft-close.
Me and Jess: (gasps)
Chi: Hi, I’m Chi.
Me: Oh so nice to meet you, we have Chi Chi here too.
Chi: So at this table, we have Chi Chi Chi.
Chi Chi: (turns to me) You’re Chi too?
Me: No, I’m Irisa.
My Friends Say Things 