Me: Whoa, Drunkard Noodle!
Fab: That sounds like a slur.
Kaili: She pulled the capricorn card!
Me: Jesus was a capricorn!
Kaili: I thought he was a carpenter!
Josh: We got this. We have no choice.
Gurjant: There’s no way she threw that up. It’s so intact.
Jess: She no chew!
Me: There’s this thing at work I want to finish—
Andy: Did someone say Moo Deng?
Me: No???
Fab: People say there are no dumb questions but they haven’t met Ronnie*.
*Name has been changed to protect the innocent.
Becca: Heavy is the head that wears the critical thinking crown.
Andy: Oh my god babe, why are you naked?
Me: I’m literally fully clothed.
Gurjant: Three years in, I was like, “I haven’t seen you in a while,” and he was like, “yeah my son was sick.” And I was like, “you have a kid?”
Jon: We get it, we’re gay!
My Friends Say Things 