Becca: Heavy is the head that wears the critical thinking crown.
Andy: Oh my god babe, why are you naked?
Me: I’m literally fully clothed.
Gurjant: Three years in, I was like, “I haven’t seen you in a while,” and he was like, “yeah my son was sick.” And I was like, “you have a kid?”
Jon: We get it, we’re gay!
Sanila: He’s aging like a ripe banana.
Me: I kinda want to floss.
Jess: I NEED TO FLOSS SO. BAD. (Wails)
Dilsher: I hope they notice me. The bartender is senpai.
Andy: And you know what else is a class one carcinogen?
Me: (in unison) Salami!
Andy: (in unison) Uranium.
Crystal: You know how we agree with dual-income households? The dual income comes from your husband working two jobs.
Jon: Wait, wait, let me finish my story. It gets better. But not for me.
My Friends Say Things 