Quyen: I’m the worst Asian stereotype. I’m bad at math but amazing at parallel parking.
Author Archives: Irisa
Dilsher: Never have I ever NOT bribed a government official before.
Me: Wait, there’s a story here.
Ava: Do you like me still, even though I’m scary now?
Me: Oh, you were scary before.
On her nephew
Callie: He’s a schemer because he’s interested in money, so I respect that.
Callie: He buys gum from Costco and sells it to the kids at school. He even has subscription packs for kids that wants gum regularly. He’s like, “I sell them for less than the convenience store so they buy them from me.”
Brenda: Well, I don’t like Usher because he cheated on his wife and got chlamydia.
Julie: I have a divot. On my head. Wanna feel it?
Me: I had two chips and saw they contained milk ingredients.
Becca: It’s like… violence. An act of violence. Truly. It’s criminal.
Fab: And then he puts my kofta on this cloth and I realized this cloth is a pita bread and there’s a stapler on it.
Dan: So Rocky is one of the A$APs?
Andy: Correct, correct.
Dan: Ooooh.
Val: So yes, your trip.
Deshi: Yes, we wake up at 6 to 8 am every day.
Us: (silence)
Val: I thought you wanted to have fun.
Deshi: THAT IS THE FUN, VAL.
