Callie: And I found him in the back, sitting in the office chair, sucking on a ketchup packet.
Me: Was he poor?
Callie: No, he was high.
Tag Archives: Callie
Callie: He printed the entire script of the first Fast and Furious movie and I found it in the printer and was like, what the fuck? He said he was going to use it as wallpaper in his room as an accent wall.
(As plane lands)
Callie: No clapping please.
Sole person on plane: (begins applauding)
Me: Look at this cross stitch of a clown. Someone made that on purpose.
Callie: The perfect secret santa gift.
Me: (stares)
Callie: What?
Callie: My sister HAS slapped me with a loaf of bread before.
Callie: Is that an Uber? Looks like it.
Tina: Is that man a tool? Also looks like it.
Callie: Look at this Arthur doll. Where are his glasses?
Me: It’s not Arthur without the glasses.
Callie: Yes, simply just John Legend.
Callie: (eating mango) Look away! This is a private moment!
On Nicholas Cage
Me: He won an oscar?!?
Callie: He’s actually really talented, he just doesn’t know how to say no to projects.
Callie: Yeah and they were like, one of the girls got attacked by peepeepoopoo man and now they’re on leave for a year because they’re traumatized.
My Friends Say Things 