Andy: But uh, yeah, at least you’re not doing TikTok dances so things aren’t as bad as it could be.
Author Archives: Irisa
(On men buying us drinks)
Me: But also, I feel bad. Wait, no—
Ally and Me: (in unison) the patriarchy.
Fab: The writing was really bad.
Me: Yeah.
Fab: Too bad she’s a writer.
Me: My friend says, “she has the perfect head.”
Sanila: That’s the best compliment I’ve ever received.
Val: Shabbat shalom, bitches.
Val’s mom: Shabbat shalom.
Val: …bitches.
Becca: There’s no way they’re called Hoobastank, did you make that up?
Me: I’m about to blow your mind.
Gurjant: This lettuce is not bad.
Me: It’s bok choy.
(Music plays at a house party)
Michael: Oh SHIT, this is Ave Maria!! (begins to sing operatically)
Me: He was so weird. He’s an aquarius.
Fab: Ohhhh yeah. Yeah yeah. You should’ve led with that. Air signs, man.
Guy at party: You know who’s headlining, right? Imagine Dragons, so you know it’s going to be bad.
My Friends Say Things 