Don: Ally, this is an intervention. Why is your Uber rating shit?
Author Archives: Irisa
Ally: Want to hang out on Sunday?
Me: Sure! Just let me know, my calendar is up to date.
Ally: Oh my god.
Me: I’m in Ravenclaw.
Cris: Yeah, that makes sense. And I’m not just saying that because of Cho Chang.
Dustin: Omg, I’m never drinking with Brits again. I don’t know how one bottle of wine turned into like, six.
Daryl: Four police.
Me: (turns around to see) They’re probably hungry.
Daryl: (simultaneously) For donuts.
Me: (simultaneously) FOR JUSTICE!
Ally: Is it grease or lip gloss? You’ll never know.
Me: Omg, I just got an ad for wallets…
Ivy: Yeah, I started getting ads for this disease which I don’t have, nor am I at risk for getting it.
Me: Maybe we should just start saying random things.
Ivy: (speaks into phone) BULLDOZERS.
Me: (speaks into phone) CONSTRUCTION!
Ivy: (speaks into phone) I should really harvest all this wheat!
Me: (speaks into phone) SAUDI ARABIA OIL MONEY.
Both: (chuckles)
Me: Watch me get arrested…
Kaili: Paul Bunion meets a lumberjack.
Maggie: Paul Bunion is a lumberjack.
Shiny: I got food poisoning, I’m never eating sushi again.
Mandip: Where did you go?
Shiny: It was……. in Scarborough.
Justin: Oooh..
Mandip: Ah.
Me: Girl.
Me: You have trouble sleeping through the night too? Yeah, it’s happening to so many of us. I think it comes from like, living with anxiety.
Timmy: Oh….. Uh no, I think for me, it’s definitely just jet lag.
