Ivy: We got the sangria and it tasted like rotting fruit. We had to call the manager over and he was like, “Yeah, that’s just how it tastes.” And you know what he did? He gave us coupons for free chicken. Like, we’re vegetarians, you dick.
Author Archives: Irisa
Mojan: I’m pro-ghosting. Like, don’t tell me why I suck because you’re wrong. Just ghost me.
(making popcorn)
Timmy: I don’t want this to burn, it’s a different kind of kernel so I don’t know how long to pop it for.
Me: Well…. our twenties ARE a time for trial and error.
Ava: Welcome to California, where there is an entire section for dog strollers.
Sean: This is me ten years ago.
Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Me: ARE THOSE TRANSITION LENSES?!
Sean: YEAAAHHH! Like a pedophile!
Fabienne: But then I was like, he’s so nice. He must be gay.
(sees video of a student residence in Waterloo)
Dustin: If I was a campus tour guide, I’d totally be transparent and and just be like, “Here is the birthplace of my feeling of inadequacy. With hard work and lots of tuition, it could be yours too!”
Don: Ally, this is an intervention. Why is your Uber rating shit?
Ally: Want to hang out on Sunday?
Me: Sure! Just let me know, my calendar is up to date.
Ally: Oh my god.
Me: I’m in Ravenclaw.
Cris: Yeah, that makes sense. And I’m not just saying that because of Cho Chang.
