Sean: Okay Google, play happy music.
Google Home: Okay, now playing from a playlist named, “Old Sing-A-Longs”.
Sean: ….
(Fighter by Christina Aguilera starts playing)
Author Archives: Irisa
Dustin: Believe in yourself like Soulja Boy believes in himself.
Dustin: Official new life motto.
Marcus: Are you Garfield?
Me: I do like lasagna.
Marcus: You look like you do.
Ivy: We got the sangria and it tasted like rotting fruit. We had to call the manager over and he was like, “Yeah, that’s just how it tastes.” And you know what he did? He gave us coupons for free chicken. Like, we’re vegetarians, you dick.
Mojan: I’m pro-ghosting. Like, don’t tell me why I suck because you’re wrong. Just ghost me.
(making popcorn)
Timmy: I don’t want this to burn, it’s a different kind of kernel so I don’t know how long to pop it for.
Me: Well…. our twenties ARE a time for trial and error.
Ava: Welcome to California, where there is an entire section for dog strollers.
Sean: This is me ten years ago.
Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Me: ARE THOSE TRANSITION LENSES?!
Sean: YEAAAHHH! Like a pedophile!
Fabienne: But then I was like, he’s so nice. He must be gay.
(sees video of a student residence in Waterloo)
Dustin: If I was a campus tour guide, I’d totally be transparent and and just be like, “Here is the birthplace of my feeling of inadequacy. With hard work and lots of tuition, it could be yours too!”
