(leaving a party)
Me: He was kinda weird….
Timmy: Yeah, let’s go talk about him in the car.
Author Archives: Irisa
Me: I wore green pants yesterday, the ones that ripped. By the end of the day, the entire seam opened.
Marcus: What’s wrong with you.
Lil Stevie: It’s okay, birthday calories don’t count!
Me: It’s YOUR birthday!
Lil Stevie: Shhh, my birthday’s universal.
Me: He had a dad bod, though.
Ava: Ooooh, yeah.
Me: What?
Ava: There isn’t a part of you that’s like, “Oh yeah, jiggle?”
Me: (laughs uncontrollably)
Ava: I have made a terrible mistake.
Me: Okay, that will be our backup plan.
Karishma: …
Me: …
Karishma: But then what is our MAIN PLAN?!?!
Rebecca: I’m a Sagittarius.
Nazariel: (loud gasp)
Rebecca: I know. It’s a lot.
Me: Just out of genuine curiosity, why do you still talk to her?
Andy: I talked to her recently cause I was “curious.” A curious cat extracting her wack perspectives.
Steph: I have a Taurus [symbol] behind my ear.
Me: I’m a Pisces, so apparently I cry a lot.
Steph: Yeah, I believe that.
Me: You know what will never be a mistake? Chicken fingers for dinner.
Marcus: Not if you’re a chicken.
Candice: Another day, another session of me hiding from my work in the bathroom.
