Andy: Sometimes meltdowns are cathartic! But I guess it’s a gamble on rising from the ashes or, you know, spiraling, no biggie.
Me: I’m looking at all-inclusive resorts in Mexico.
Author Archives: Irisa
Lindsay: And he was all like, “Can you help me carry this?” And I was like, “No, I’m having an emotional breakdown, you’re going to have to carry that yourself.”
Me: Come to the gym with me!
Ally: I’m sorry, but I’d rather face my own demise.
(eating donuts)
Amy: These are not good.
Me: These are… a solid 6 out of 10.
Amy: That’s generous.
Me: I’m a giver.
Amy: If that’s your scale, I’m afraid to see your mans.
Me: Jenn! Cookies!
Jenn B: (glances up from desk)
Me: Oh no, right, gluten.
Jenn B: Yep. I miss cookies. And it’s the soft ones that do the most damage, too.
Me: And they’re the most delicious ones too…
Jenn B: The ones you want the most do the most damage.
Me: Like men….
Holly: I would risk my life for a cookie right now.
Jessica: I’ll get a McEwan unicorn cake!
Zaitoon: Omg do it.
Zaitoon: But also, what is that?
(leaving a party)
Me: He was kinda weird….
Timmy: Yeah, let’s go talk about him in the car.
Me: I wore green pants yesterday, the ones that ripped. By the end of the day, the entire seam opened.
Marcus: What’s wrong with you.
Lil Stevie: It’s okay, birthday calories don’t count!
Me: It’s YOUR birthday!
Lil Stevie: Shhh, my birthday’s universal.
