(snooping in the fridge at an Airbnb party)
Me: Are they white?
Lil Stevie: Yeah.
Me: Yeah, I see Mill St.
Random: I feel attacked.
Random: ……what kind of Mill St.?
Author Archives: Irisa
Me: Don’t be shady.
Timmy: Sorry, I was watching RuPaul’s.
Karishma: And look, he made her this mug! It’s not a very pretty mug, but how sweet.
Harry: Lindsay, are we doing shots tonight?
Holly: Harry, it’s 9:30 am. Calm down.
(At the vet, reading list of pets staying over)
Me: Is no one going to point out that there is an animal named Shutout?
Iris: Leave Shutout alone, they are doing their best.
Jenn B: I got an Americano Blanco.
Me: Ooh, what’s that?
Jenn B: It’s d e L i C i o U S.
Ava: I will inject Botox into my asshole if it means I can look like Jennifer Aniston at 50.
Me: Your name is C Lau but really at heart, you’re just a see lai.
Chris: You know me well. I do love afternoon tea and gossip.
Calvin: Like, my friend was sorted into Gryffindor but he can’t bear to watch horror movies… Get outta here.
Andy: Sometimes meltdowns are cathartic! But I guess it’s a gamble on rising from the ashes or, you know, spiraling, no biggie.
Me: I’m looking at all-inclusive resorts in Mexico.
