Irisa

Daryl: So you’re betting that your firstborn child will be a female.

Me: Yes.

Daryl: And I’m betting it will be male.

Me: Yes.

Daryl: What are we betting?

Me: My firstborn child.

Don: I call him The Great Leader because his hair is like Kim Jong Il.

Uber driver: (rolls down window and shouts at neighbouring car) My music is better!

Me: (forgets to clip one fingernail)

Kevin: Well, if it makes you feel any better, some people intentionally leave one fingernail long for—

Me: Oh yeah, cocaine and boogers!

Kevin:

Me:

Kevin: …boxes…

Me: Oh, I’m sorry. Did I ruin it again?

Bessie: YES.

Fabienne: The straights have ruined it again.

Zoe: It’s problematic how hot he is.

Sinyi: Every day that we don’t die is a great day!

Becca: So we’re just poor and fucked up?

Me: Yeh.

Becca: Sounds about right.

Ivy: Isn’t Chef’s Table like, one guy cooking food for a bunch of countries and he messes it up?

Me: What? No!

Ivy: That’s what I heard.

Daryl: So you’re telling me you DON’T want to meet someone, get married and get divorced? That’s the dream.

My Friends Say Things