Ivy: And the feds were on her side?
Me: The feds are always on the criminal’s side, Ivy.
Ivy: The feds ARE the criminals, Irisa.
Fab: So apparently the guy AND the girl are DJs__
Me: (eyes glaze over and begins to dissociate)
Fab: Hey, HEY come back!! (snaps fingers) I know what you’re doing!
Andy: Would you love me if I was a wormhole?
Me: Uh..
Mom: I’m a Trader Joe bitch.
Ivy: Mom!
Andy: So what was the plot?
Sinyi: Something about a unicorn…? And it granted wishes…?
Me: And this is Magic Mike?
Tracey: Well, sometimes he says, “older people” and he looks at me and I’m like, we’re the same age!
Ivy: And that’s what you are. Diarrhea girl. That’s all you do. Work and have diarrhea.
Me: And Avril Lavigne’s dating Tyga.
Andy: WHAT.
Becker: It’s true, google it.
Andy: GIRL what? Avril Lavigne’s still alive?
Ava: Aidan goes around telling people he’s from Scarborough.
Me: He can’t do that.
Ava: I know.
Me: He’s from Richmond Hill.
Ava: I know.
Lyft driver: I’m telling you, I should be a wedding planner because I’d be the baddest motherfucker ever.
My Friends Say Things 