Me: This week kicked my ass.
Andy: It’s okay, you have a beautiful ass.
Duff: Everyone’s going to die, I’d rather die with a tan.
Becca: Scrambled eggs? That’s so hard to mess up though.
Me: They’re men, Rebecca.
Fab: And I was like, is this a rave or is this a flea market?
Me: We’re not getting any younger, you know?
Andy: Did you know nobody is?
Ethan: Has anyone ever done oil of oregano under the tongue? It’s like getting slapped in the face with a slice of pizza.
Me: Oooh, maybe lighter pressure over my bones?
Massage Therapist: Those aren’t your bones.
Sinyi: One time, Sean body-slammed me and said, “No one will ever believe you.”
Me: Did you know eating too many cherries will give you diarrhea?
Dad: Eating too much of anything will give you diarrhea. You of all people should know this.
Me: Listen, there are layers to this.
Andy: I don’t want you wasting brain cells explaining this to me.
My Friends Say Things 