Melanie: My mom was like, thank god he’s a doctor ‘cause he’s not a good looking boy.
Sophie: Rap does not lend itself well to karaoke so I had to put on Barbie Girl.
Me: No, I just smashed my Nars palette earlier.
Becca: Oh yeah, I thought I heard that. I heard that, the vacuum and then you singing, Goodbye, My Lover.
Andy: There’s a horchata flavour with pineapple.
Me: Sounds like gentrification.
Andy: Not inherently a bad thing.
Me: (stares)
Andy: I said what I said.
Fab: So I went on a group run—
Me: (recoils) Sorry, I’m not judging you, I’m just scared.
Fab: No, it’s okay. I’d judge me too. Anyways, I was thinking, damn I’m one of those people now.
Me: This week kicked my ass.
Andy: It’s okay, you have a beautiful ass.
Duff: Everyone’s going to die, I’d rather die with a tan.
Becca: Scrambled eggs? That’s so hard to mess up though.
Me: They’re men, Rebecca.
Fab: And I was like, is this a rave or is this a flea market?
Me: We’re not getting any younger, you know?
Andy: Did you know nobody is?
My Friends Say Things 