Ethan: Has anyone ever done oil of oregano under the tongue? It’s like getting slapped in the face with a slice of pizza.
Me: Oooh, maybe lighter pressure over my bones?
Massage Therapist: Those aren’t your bones.
Sinyi: One time, Sean body-slammed me and said, “No one will ever believe you.”
Me: Did you know eating too many cherries will give you diarrhea?
Dad: Eating too much of anything will give you diarrhea. You of all people should know this.
Me: Listen, there are layers to this.
Andy: I don’t want you wasting brain cells explaining this to me.
Shylie: I love going to bed early. It’s so fun. Being rested? It’s so fun.
Melanie: They didn’t pack my sprite, those sluts.
Mike: I’m fired up about that lighter!
Everyone: (continues chatter)
Mike: I’m FIRED UP about that LIGHTER!
Me: It’s okay, I heard you. Good one.
(As plane lands)
Callie: No clapping please.
Sole person on plane: (begins applauding)
Sinyi: There was a creepy guy at the club that said you seem like a nice girl and I’m a bad man.
Lyft driver: (laughs)
My Friends Say Things 