Becca: Cancelled my date tonight so I don’t have to shower.
Ava: My mom uses her business cards as toothpicks when she doesn’t have any.
Norman: IKEA BREAKFAST ISN’T $1 ANYMORE. WTF. I AM GENUINELY ANGRY. MY WORLD IS FALLING APART. EVERYTHING I KNOW AND LOVE HAS GONE DOWN THE DRAIN.
Dustin: It’s not a problem if it doesn’t kill you, right?
Stanley: In my head, it’s a licking sound cats make. Mlem mlem mlem.
Sinyi: Holy fuck, my brother started playing the recorder at 7:30.
Crystal: Usually, white boys with name tags that walk in pairs are missionaries.
Kristina: Wait, what did you say? I couldn’t hear because I knocked over everything.
Becca: FUCK AND HERE I AM, SITTING WITH A MUG OF TEA THINKING I WAS CONTENT. FUCK THAT. WE ALL KNOW I’M MORE MATERIALISTIC THAN THAT. GIVE ME MAKEUP GODDAMMIT (crying emoji x 5)
Calvin: Sometimes I wonder if I really am just an evil mastermind without a plan.
My Friends Say Things 