Timmy: That looks cancerous.
Timmy: Also, very gay.
Me: The gym is empty af.
Isaac: Now you can burp and fart as loud as you want.
Daryl: Early worm gets the bird, bitches.
(Trojan commercial on the radio)
Steve: Ew, wtf BEAR skin? Condoms?? How is that okay?
Mojan: Bare. B-A-R-E.
Brad: Creeping transcends space and time, my dear. It is the fourth dimension.
Hani: You know what Air Canada’s motto is? “We’re not happy until YOU’RE not happy.”
(on being a grandma)
Callie: I want to be the type that just pretends she’s stupid and old all the time, so I can do whatever I want and people will just give me a pass.
Me: Am I ugly?
Amanda: Irisa, you are not ugly. Trust me. I know this sounds bad, but I don’t have ugly friends.
(Note: this was from years and years ago, from when Amanda and I were in high school. Today, she just announced her engagement and I couldn’t be happier for her and Andrew. Congratulations, my dear!!)
Kristina: I don’t want to say I’m a joy to this office……… but I am.
Calvin: It’s a blow job from a dude. The guy’s blow drying your hair.
My Friends Say Things 