(At a terrible dim sum restaurant)
Dad: You can bring your white friends here.
Sinyi: Tyler and I have done two puzzles. And by that, I mean Sinyi did two.
Me: It will be fast, like that guy that left.
Amy: Which guy?
Me: Do you want some soup?
Kristina: Is it full of Xanax?
Lauren: Like, if we don’t talk in neutral territory at school, why are you at my house?
Daryl: Fell asleep on the train and now I’m in Bronte.
Daryl: Where the fuck is Bronte.
Me: So you know the true colours personality theories?
Ivy: Is this another Buzzfeed thing?
Me: Why does your computer hate you so much?
Kristina: Maybe it doesn’t want me to work. And I get it, I don’t want to work either. But here we are.
Dustin: Weird is a good thing, though. In a world of uniforming-ly converging Instagram captions, a personality is a very good thing to have.
Sinyi: Maybe if you treat everyone like they’re having a bad day, instead of thinking they’re inherently an asshole, life will be easier.
My Friends Say Things 