Sinyi: Want me to stab you with a tiny sword? Would that help?
Callie: Can someone adopt the cat I want to see forever? Her name is Mother Nature and she is very calm.
Me: (points at bindi on Daryl’s forehead) Were you at a wedding?
Daryl: That’s a pimple, you asshole.
Kristina: So I’m in this Twitter beef. And it’s pretty exciting.
Iris: I can bring some of the Halloween candy for my coworkers.
Dad: (in Chinese) Don’t bring it for other people, what if it’s poisoned? Then you’ll get accused of (in English) mur-der.
Taylor: (eats cookie) This is how I want to die.
Me: I’m gonna buy this throw, it’s gonna be the love of my life.
Sanila: All the cuddles without the drama.
Sinyi: You’ve been waiting your whole life, you can wait a few more months.
Me: I find myself buying a lot of activewear when I’m stressed.
Ivy: So you can run away? Yeah I get it.
Daryl: My friends are in LA.
Me: Why didn’t you go with them?
Daryl: I didn’t want to go, so I said I’m in Florida.
Me: …Hurricane Irma….
Daryl: Yeah, my story wasn’t that well planned.
My Friends Say Things 