Jenn: And it was great because when she was all like, “CAW! CAW!” and flapping her wings, she also shat herself.
Author Archives: Irisa
Dustin: You know when you, like, sprain your ankle and the swelling comes down, it just feels like… droopy for a bit?
Dustin: Like it’s just held onto the stub of your leg like with a few strings?
Me: Dude. No.
Stan: I stepped in something.
Stan: (picks it up) What is this? Was this in someone’s ass?
Brian: Can we find a patio with shade?
Deshi: And AC?
Me: So like, indoors.
Anthony: Why are you working so hard still?
Restaurant Owner: I want money. I like money. No money, no honey, okay?
Calvin: BOOOOOO!
Me: Wait, why are you booing?
Calvin: I don’t know.
(Horrifying scene comes on TV)
Me: Aiyah! Don’t look, don’t look! (covers Dad’s eyes)
Dad: Don’t look? What age do you think I am?
Sai: What are the popsicle flavours?
Stan: Assorted.
Sai: But like, what are the flavours?
Me: Colours.
Razi: Holding in your sneezes is bad for you.
Me: Oh, those are my actual sneezes.
Razi: Those are your actual sneezes? Well, then.
Ray: (gets a pedicure)
Me: Do you feel like a new man?
Ray: The lady said I had beautiful nail beds. So yes. Yes, I do.
My Friends Say Things 