Kaili: My body’s like, kale smoothie, but my mind’s like mImOsAs!! (flails)
Author Archives: Irisa
(South of the Border starts playing)
Me: I be Ed Sheeran, you be Camila Cabello.
Jess: OH GOD NO!
Ally: And she said that I came in with my over-the-knee boots and cat sweater like I mean business!
Anviksha: Is there a holiday on March 8th? I think there’s something.
Me: (checks) Daylight Savings.
(On Post Malone)
Rachel: (shows me photo on Instagram) He does not look okay.
Me: Is he ever okay?
Rachel: No, he is not.
Ray: So I have this bottle of wine in my fridge.
Me: Let’s pop it.
Ray: No, we’re going to stare at it and wonder what it tastes like.
Mojan: All I’m equipped for is motherhood and code. How could I not want kids?
Lina: I brought a boiled egg.
Teresa: That’s it?
Lina: A piece of chicken, I have.
Me: That was a very Yoda way of saying it.
Jenn: Everyone who knows Seattle downtown knows to stay the f*ck away from that particular McDonald’s. We’ve always called it McStabby’s.
Val: (points at stain)
Stan: I’m a dirty, dirty man.
My Friends Say Things 