Ava: (scrolling Instagram) Good for you, girl. You be free, you go do you, but you still be fucking annoying.
Author Archives: Irisa
Me: I didn’t know you had a desk plant. That’s adorable and endearing. Good for you. Not bad for a kid whose dream job was once warlord.
Daryl: Hey. That’s still my dream job.
(Alarm goes off)
Rui: Oh, fuck off.
Val: We gotta talk about something we can’t talk about in front of her.
Me: (gasps) What???
Val: …her.
Andy: Are you telling me you can’t just go onto a subway and pass the fuck out?
Me: Neither sandwich shop nor transit system, no.
Me: Hey, what do you want to do for your birthday? Do you wanna… GO OUTSIDE?
Me and Christine: (laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs)
Rachel: (shows me photo of Mateo the cat) All Mateo does is sleep.
Me: Is he depressed?
Rachel: I don’t know, I don’t think I can give him a diagnosis.
Me: I love calamari.
Don: I can tell. They look like onion rings.
Ally: They’re onion rings of the sea.
Becca: There’s so many people trying to sneak into Canada.
Me: Are you serious?
Becca: I saw a clip of these protests at the border, let me find it.
Becca: Oh my god, wait MY BAD LOL. It was for a different protest. Shit, I’ve become one of those aunties that spreads misinformation on WeChat.
Me: [US] oil prices are now negative. It’s cheaper than free.
Christine: SoMeBoDy cOmE gEt hEr
My Friends Say Things 