Andy: You want a lamborghini?
Me: No.
Andy: …you better work, bitch.
Author Archives: Irisa
Me: Why do I have a zit on my belly?
Callie: I wish I knew how to answer that.
Helen: You know what, though? Robert Pattinson does crazy pretty well. So Batman, maybe not too far of a stretch.
Ally: See, the border closing… That’s probably the worst thing. How are we going to get the white truffle chips from Trader Joe’s?
Anthony: If he didn’t have money, would you find him attractive?
Mom: Even WITH money, I don’t find him attractive.
Me: (sighs deeply and gazes off into distance)
Christine: Are you thinking about your boyfriend?
Me: No, I was just on the Zero Waste Toronto Facebook group and someone asked about sodastreams and there was a comment about how it’s an ethically compromised company because PepsiCo bought them.
Christine: …oh.
Ivy: You know, he’s really active in those protests but I see he’s just been windsurfing lately.
Me: You got the MURDER special?
Kat: BURGER special. Well… they DID murder a cow…
Emily: So I was on laser eye surgery side effect TikTok…
All: (shouts loudly in recognition)
Andy: The answer’s probably no, but have you seen arrival?
Me: No.
My Friends Say Things 