Irisa

Me: Do you love it?

Christina: (holding and petting an alpaca doll)

Andy: It looks like you love it.

Christina: I don’t love anything.

Christina’s boyfriend: Okay.

Iris: Is he okay?

Geoff: Well, he collects Funko Pops—

Kevin: Then he’s NOT okay.

Sinyi: It’s an apple farm. And a raspberry farm. And a blackberry—

Jessie: It’s a farm.

Andy: I don’t see colour.

Me: I know. You can’t.

Becca: Everything was black so I was like, she’s either really goth or it’s a divorce party.

Melanie: My mom was like, thank god he’s a doctor ‘cause he’s not a good looking boy.

Sophie: Rap does not lend itself well to karaoke so I had to put on Barbie Girl.

Me: No, I just smashed my Nars palette earlier.

Becca: Oh yeah, I thought I heard that. I heard that, the vacuum and then you singing, Goodbye, My Lover.

Andy: There’s a horchata flavour with pineapple.

Me: Sounds like gentrification.

Andy: Not inherently a bad thing.

Me: (stares)

Andy: I said what I said.

Fab: So I went on a group run—

Me: (recoils) Sorry, I’m not judging you, I’m just scared.

Fab: No, it’s okay. I’d judge me too. Anyways, I was thinking, damn I’m one of those people now.

My Friends Say Things