Me: Well, cauliflower is on sale, 3 for $5 so you know what I’m going to be doing after work.
Yung $ammi: Wow, your life is so riveting.
Author Archives: Irisa
Catherine: What’s 3 x 18?
Both: (looks at me)
Brittany: Why did we both look at you?
Me: 54
Me: It’s fine, you assumed correctly.
Me: Sometimes I wonder if everything will be alright.
Andrew: Yeah, sometimes I just want to join the circus.
Chris: My butt can never be contained.
Chris: I’m bootylicious, girl.
(Deep in the woods at night)
Quyen: So your friend is still lost and his phone is dead.
Andy: Honestly, it’s c’est la vie at this point.
Sanila: Kupfert & Kim? What kind of a boujee-ass name is that?
Me: (quietly) Oh, I love that place, I go there for lunch all the time.
Becca: This donut’s pretty sweet.
Me: You’re pretty sweet.
Becca: No, you.
Chris: Oh god, I’ll leave.
Me: My family calls me something no one else will ever call me.
Chris: Stinky butt hole?
Dustin: I think I found my new life pick-me-up.
Dustin: No matter how poorly I may be doing at life in a given moment, it will never be as bad as asking for prenup advice on RedFlagDeals.
Chris: If you’re not talking Lady Gaga, I don’t want to hear about it.
