Andy: If I’m going to hell, it’s because the instructions were unclear.
Author Archives: Irisa
Mom: Life is a marathon, not a sprint.
(on soft-boiled eggs)
Cris: No, I get it. You and I, we’re the same.
Me: Boujee-ass bitch?
Cris: Ya.
Ally: You know what? I’m not gonna get hash browns. I’m going to get seasoned fries.
Christina: I encourage you to live your truth.
Ryan: I can’t even tell that’s a police car.
Me: It says police on it.
Fabienne: Ew, you’re so creepy, can you go home?
Andrea: Did you know that Pikachu is based off an actual animal called the pika??
Gari: I asked him the exact same question and he called me a bitch for it.
Andy: What colour grapes though?
Me: Both, I’m not a racist.
Andy: Oh, I am. Red grapes matter.
Me: You went to The Keg and you got salmon?
Kevin: Ya!
Iris: (turns to me) It looked like it physically hurt you to say that.
