(On sugar babies in San Francisco)
Dustin: The real ones go after founders. After accounting for inflation, the term for gold diggers here are aptly called, “founder hunters”.
Author Archives: Irisa
Ryan: My mom is very impressed with my rapping.
Lilly: How did he do it? Is it because he’s a white man?
Me and Shirley: Mmhmmmm.
Poonam: We don’t have charm.
Kaili: Hey! Speak for yourself! (looks around) …right?
Ivy: Yeah, I’m going to my friend’s birthday thing tonight.
Me: WOW you’re socializing!
Ivy: SHUT UP, I’m not happy about it.
(on Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)
Andy: I binged it in a day while having “If Everyone Cared” by Nickelback on repeat and I cried when Hagrid was carrying Harry’s seemingly dead body.
Andy: Weird shit, fam.
Andy: Not sobbing, more like on singular extremely manly tear.
Andy: Don’t forget that part.
Cris: There’s an eager texter, a normal texter and a bad texter.
Me: What’s a normal texter?
Cris: You just reply at some point.
Me: This dude just messaged me, “Hey hey heyyyyyy!”
Sanila: My vagina just shrivelled up.
Me: Well, is she book smart?
Lilly: Ummmmm….. She’s not book dumb.
Dustin: It’s 2018, shame is last decade’s fashion.
My Friends Say Things 