Fabienne: This is such a gay party.

Me: What did you expect? You announced me as “The Straight.”

Fabienne: (shrugs and nods)

Fabienne: And I killed that presentation. In my pyjamas. In my room. Because it was over Skype.

Fabienne: But then I was like, he’s so nice. He must be gay.

Fabienne: Ew, you’re so creepy, can you go home?

Fabienne: I fixed it like the lesbian I am.

Me: Ugh, Brett Kavanaugh.

Fabienne: Why would you say that. It’s a nice day.

Fabienne: You dodged a bullet.

Fabienne: You dodged a truck.

Fabienne: A bullet truck.

Fabienne: A bullet train.

Me: (laughs)

Fabienne: Ew, you’re making a really weird sound. Stop.

Fabienne: Yeah, like check yourself.

Me: Before you wreck yourself.

Fabienne: Yeah. Or I’ll wreck you.

Fabienne: By the way, this is the straight one (points at me). She cries.