Andy: So I’m not into basketball but I’m very into shit talk and there’s a lot of shit talk going on right now.

Me: By the way, if I order a cake, another cake—

Andy: “If,” good one.

Andy: Scandinavian prisons are so nice.

Me: Are you speaking from experience?

Andy: If it wasn’t as loud somehow it’d probably be one of my favourite places.

Me: WHAT?

Andy: IF IT WASN’T AS LOUD SOMEHOW

Andy: IT’D PROBABLY BE ONE OF MY FAVOURITE PLACES

Me: YEAH, I LOVE THIS PLACE TOO!

Me: I was thinking of getting a sewing machine.

Andy: Ooh, what do you want to use it for?

Me: Sewing.

Andy: Are you telling me you can’t just go onto a subway and pass the fuck out?

Me: Neither sandwich shop nor transit system, no.

Andy: The girl friend dynamic is nothing to be fucked with. What a dangerous game.

Me: What did you do?

Andy: NOTHING.

Andy: I am but an observer.

Me: …

Andy: I’VE SEEN SOME SHIT. Y’all wilin’ sometimes.

Andy: Is it windy? I have to go outside soon.

Me: It’s the the popular R&B artist that I regard with great disdain due to his history of domestic abuse.

Me: I.e. it’s Breezy.

Me: Apparently it’s bad luck if you cheers with water.

Andy: I don’t give a fuck.

Andy: They do weird things.

Me: Like orgy weird?

Andy: One of the girls has a jar of her own tears.