Becca: Imagine a lawn full of lettuce. That would be so nice. Instead of mowing, you’d make a salad.
Me: Again, you guys can come over, you just have to help me put on my fitted sheet and my—
Val: I’m not coming over.
Fab: My tv isn’t even mounted yet, how am I supposed to have a partner?!?
Sanila: (cutting mango) so I’m cutting it the way brown people cut it.
Dilsher: No, no one cuts it this way.
Me: I’m so glad you aren’t looking back and seeing my gait right now.
Becker: Oh I saw, I just pretended not to.
Me: Do you hear that child screaming?
Don: Was that a pterodactyl? Are we in Jurassic Park? Are we in the sequel?
Val: Every time he looks at me, he’s like wow and I’m like, I just have a job it’s not that serious.
Sanila: I was feeding a stray cat some of my taco meat yesterday and a local asked for my number like, “quel nombre” and Dilsher wasn’t with me. I didn’t know how to respond so I just showed him a pic of me and Dilsher.
Fab: I am the alpha now.
Fab: Wait no, that’s not right.
Fab: I am the captain now.
Callie: Look at this Arthur doll. Where are his glasses?
Me: It’s not Arthur without the glasses.
Callie: Yes, simply just John Legend.
My Friends Say Things 