(At an ice rink)
Girl 1: …but he’s married?
Girl 2: Yeah, he is right NOW.
Deshi: And like… He listens to indie music.
Me: Like Bon Iver?
Deshi: Deeper.
Me: Damn.
Becca: I feel like I’m going to be constipated anyway.
Me: It’s okay, we’re all constipated spiritually.
Becca: This is true.
Ally: We’ve all been victimized by the girlboss era, in some way shape or form.
Molyna: They were like, “I made a promise to your mom, I made a promise to your mom!!” and I’m like… when did you talk to my mom?
Me: Maybe some people have mastered the art of eating where they shit, but very cleanly.
Deshi: Why am I thinking of the pizza in your bathroom?
Me: I can see how you arrived at that conclusion.
Me: I feel a little old, I’m not gonna lie.
Ally: But you don’t look it, so it’s fine.
Ivy: Why are you trying to prevent scurvy? Are you a pirate?
Me: FOR THE LAST TIME, YES!!
Ivy: No, this is the first time I asked if you were a pirate, you need to fix yourself if this is a reoccurring question.
Me: Did I ever tell you about the graffiti I saw that just said Josh Grobin?
Fab: I love that.
Deshi: Being a woman is terrifying.
Me: It’s the worst thing ever.
Val: I still haven’t accepted it.
Stan: (chimes in) Me too.
My Friends Say Things 