Me: Do you love it?
Christina: (holding and petting an alpaca doll)
Andy: It looks like you love it.
Christina: I don’t love anything.
Christina’s boyfriend: Okay.
Iris: Is he okay?
Geoff: Well, he collects Funko Pops—
Kevin: Then he’s NOT okay.
Sinyi: It’s an apple farm. And a raspberry farm. And a blackberry—
Jessie: It’s a farm.
Andy: I don’t see colour.
Me: I know. You can’t.
Becca: Everything was black so I was like, she’s either really goth or it’s a divorce party.
Melanie: My mom was like, thank god he’s a doctor ‘cause he’s not a good looking boy.
Sophie: Rap does not lend itself well to karaoke so I had to put on Barbie Girl.
Me: No, I just smashed my Nars palette earlier.
Becca: Oh yeah, I thought I heard that. I heard that, the vacuum and then you singing, Goodbye, My Lover.
Andy: There’s a horchata flavour with pineapple.
Me: Sounds like gentrification.
Andy: Not inherently a bad thing.
Me: (stares)
Andy: I said what I said.
Fab: So I went on a group run—
Me: (recoils) Sorry, I’m not judging you, I’m just scared.
Fab: No, it’s okay. I’d judge me too. Anyways, I was thinking, damn I’m one of those people now.
My Friends Say Things 