Sanila: He’s aging like a ripe banana.
Me: I kinda want to floss.
Jess: I NEED TO FLOSS SO. BAD. (Wails)
Dilsher: I hope they notice me. The bartender is senpai.
Andy: And you know what else is a class one carcinogen?
Me: (in unison) Salami!
Andy: (in unison) Uranium.
Crystal: You know how we agree with dual-income households? The dual income comes from your husband working two jobs.
Jon: Wait, wait, let me finish my story. It gets better. But not for me.
Andy: Gurjant likes to tout that the Lakers average less than two eyebrows per person.
Yasmin: I don’t know why I know this, I don’t love One Direction anymore.
Me: It’s okay, I still do.
Yasmin: Okay then, I still do too.
Me: I cleaned someone’s barf.
Andy: Yeah.
Me: It was both liquid and solid.
Andy: I don’t want to talk about it anymore.
Yasmin: She was like, you’re a bitch, and I was like, all I did was sing O Canada.
My Friends Say Things 