Mojan: I have a friend who thinks Bangladesh is in China. I haven’t had the heart to tell him the truth.
Itay: I have to bathe my dog before I leave!
Me: Oh, what’s your dog’s name?
Itay: Spicy.
Me: Awww! Now see, if I named a dog Spicy….. people wouldn’t like that.
Itay: Did you just…
Sanila: Smirnoff Lime tastes like first year and disappointment.
Richard: Is he nice? Is he sweet? Does he got a booty that just don’t quit? Tell me, gurl!
Me: Hey, do we have any bandaids?
Colleague: No, we don’t even have a first aid kit. Apparently, it’s a liability.
Me: Wait, isn’t NOT having one a liability in itself??
Colleague: (leans in, loudly whispers) THIS PLACE IS A SHIT SHOW.
Colleague: Don’t put that on your blog.
Kid: (sings Jingle Bells)
Mom: Oh my god no, stop, that’s too much pressure right now.
Rando: (sees me) LOOK EVERYONE, IT’S YOKO ONO!
Other guy: On behalf of white people, that was racist and I apologize and you would ruin more than just John Lennon.
(Mosquito on window)
Ivy: Go away!! We don’t want your cookies!!
Me: We can take Sinyi sky diving.
Jess: YOU can.
Julius: Looks like the seven dwarves finally got Snow White.
Us: ….
Me: Wait, that doesn’t make sense. She is quite tan and there is only one of him.
Julius:
Julius:
Julius: Okay, fine. You got me.
My Friends Say Things 