Ivy: I look evil. Why do I look evil all the time? I’m not evil, am I?
Me:
Ivy: You’re supposed to say no.
Mojan: It’s bad?
Me: Try it.
Mojan: (tries it)
Mojan: (covers mouth) ……what…
Me: Spit it out!!
Mojan: No no no, spitters are quitters.
Mojan: We should tip her really well, her butt is amazing.
Me: But she was terrible, all of our food came so late.
Mojan: Probably because she spends all her time working on that butt.
Sinyi: He somehow managed to top his own shittiness. I didn’t think that was possible, I’m impressed.
Richard: Aww that poor boy! You broke his heart! He just wants to find love in this cruel world~~~~~~
Me: Beth, that’s a real issue.. Have you brought this up?
Beth: I’ve been bringing it up. It’s the caring I can’t do anything about.
Sanila: Now I need to burp.
Us: BURP! BURP! BURP! BURP!
Sanila: Now I can’t.
Zainab: (burps)
Sanila: So back in uni, I was on Tinder and hitting it off with some guy. Then I showed Zainab and she was like, “He has a girlfriend.”
Zainab: (burps)
Jess: Switzerland is good for skiing and old people.
Ava: Omg, Irisa. Are you a fuck boy?
Me: Yes.
My Friends Say Things 