Sinyi: One day, you’ll be signing a contract, and it’s called MARRIAGE, BITCH!!
Erin: As I heard Mike the Situation from Jersey Shore say on a promo video yesterday, “a smooth sea does not make a skilled sailor.”
Me: (reads church signs) Our Lady of the Assumption. That’s you.
Rui: HONESTLY.
Becca: Oh, I didn’t tell you guys this but recently, I almost died.
Sanila: Harry Styles really died [off].
Me: Maybe his hairline started receding and that was the end of his career.
Sanila: Harry no styles.
Andy: What was your old wallet before?
Me: This. (pulls out old coin purse)
Andy: (revolted) EW, YOU WERE USING THAT?
Linda: That store’s price tags are double digits but the quality is single digit.
Kaili: (to me) Don’t tumble, little one. Things will get better.
Brittany: No they won’t, adulting sucks.
Kaili: BRITTANY!
Jasmine: Wanna hear a funny story? I got drunk off kombucha last week.
Dustin: The only reason somebody would commit to him is to fast track becoming a Tibetan monk. I literally cannot derive another cause.
My Friends Say Things 