Kanu: Guys, you DO know it’s pink eye season right? Hashtag sit on my face. Or not.
Me: Hashtag stay away from me.
Kanu: Hashtag stop farting in your pillow.
Author Archives: Irisa
Ally: I have SO MUCH TEA.
Justin: SPILL THE TEA!
Me: Are you drowning in the tea?
Ally: I’M DROWNING IN THE TEA!
Mom: They probably forgot about you. HAHAHAHA.
Cindy: HOO, ooh I just love fire. It just gets me riled up.
(on healthcare)
Emily: Well, I mean, some people get treated and not everyone dies, so I guess something is working.
Me: Are we old?
Mojan: Ummmm… Our eggs are definitely dying.
Brian: I’m going to start micro-dosing. I work in food, I can’t have this.
Me: You’re going to start micro-dosing PECANS?
Brian: Yeah.
Jenn: And it was great because when she was all like, “CAW! CAW!” and flapping her wings, she also shat herself.
Dustin: You know when you, like, sprain your ankle and the swelling comes down, it just feels like… droopy for a bit?
Dustin: Like it’s just held onto the stub of your leg like with a few strings?
Me: Dude. No.
Stan: I stepped in something.
Stan: (picks it up) What is this? Was this in someone’s ass?
My Friends Say Things 