Me: It’s gonna be a candle-making party tomorow.
Christine: Wait, was that for real? Like not a figure of speech?
Author Archives: Irisa
Mom: 70% of North American families have an Instant Pot! You can’t say that about having both a mom and a dad.
Val: Anyway, it’s time for quality music.
Google Home speaker: It’s Britney, bitch.
Ryan: And I was like, man, if it were any colder, I’d be complaining so much right now.
Jenn: And I was like, did you just manufacture a hypothetical situation so you could complain about it?
Jess: (leans in) His cousin punched a cougar once.
Don: Okay, whatever, I’m sure they all go home and watch Dance Moms like the rest of us.
Calvin: So in preparation of tonight, I made a playlist called, “Asian People Party Music.”
Val: So this weekend, I had Shrek stuck in my head. Now when I say Shrek, I don’t mean the soundtrack. I mean the script.
Me: Guys, I’ve been getting the heeby jeebies again.
Val: Maybe you’re cursed.
Brian: Or maybe it’s because you’ve been micro-dosing horror movies all day.
Timmy: My biggest fear is having to sneeze with rice in my mouth and then it spraying everywhere, including on my face or hair.
Timmy: Which has happened before.
