Ryan: And I was like, man, if it were any colder, I’d be complaining so much right now.
Jenn: And I was like, did you just manufacture a hypothetical situation so you could complain about it?
Author Archives: Irisa
Jess: (leans in) His cousin punched a cougar once.
Don: Okay, whatever, I’m sure they all go home and watch Dance Moms like the rest of us.
Calvin: So in preparation of tonight, I made a playlist called, “Asian People Party Music.”
Val: So this weekend, I had Shrek stuck in my head. Now when I say Shrek, I don’t mean the soundtrack. I mean the script.
Me: Guys, I’ve been getting the heeby jeebies again.
Val: Maybe you’re cursed.
Brian: Or maybe it’s because you’ve been micro-dosing horror movies all day.
Timmy: My biggest fear is having to sneeze with rice in my mouth and then it spraying everywhere, including on my face or hair.
Timmy: Which has happened before.
Razi: I’m MAD.
Me: You’re upset?
Razi: I’m BELOVED.
Me: Ummmmmm, maybe wrong adjective.
Jenn: “This is content?” Is that what you just said?!
Kevin: So I crushed my clip-ons.
Me: NO!
Kevin: Yeah, but it was half-way between save-able and too late… So I can still use it, but I would be running on a monocle.
My Friends Say Things 