Ivy: Just found a piece of feta cheese.
Me: (turns)
Ivy: On my pants.
Me: (looks down)
Ivy: And ate it.
Author Archives: Irisa
Rui: You’re not going to find a perfect guy because let’s face it, we’re the perfect ones in their lives.
Me: Okay, let’s go there next time instead.
Kevin: NO! It’s dismal there. It’s like walking into a geriatric ward.
Colin: You know how you read about stories like this on Reddit? That’s you.
(on Chinese beef balls)
Ivy: I don’t know why you like them.
Kevin: They’re delicious.
Me: Listen, I’m not going degrade what you like but I just don’t understand it.
Ivy: I’m not that courteous. They’re disgusting.
Stan: Do you think Drake f*cks with his own music in the background?
Me and Val: (in unison) Yes.
Winston: I feel like I wouldn’t want to rob someone in America with a knife because I’d be afraid they have a gun.
Kimmy: I’m gonna be so hungover tomorrow, I’m just telling you guys that now.
Deshi: You had one drink.
Kimmy: I know.
Me: So you’re based out of Buffalo, right? How is that?
Melanie: (leans in and stares deeply into my eyes)
Melanie: Imagine Detroit but like, worse.
Razi: They were like, “Don’t ever come here again,” and I was like, yo I live here.
