Becca: (looks at photo) …what IS that?
Me: That’s us uncorking wine in matching shirts.
Author Archives: Irisa
Iris: Just wanted to tell you to be honest and straight with you, but if you need me to set fire to his apartment, I will.
Don: The tickets were $250 each!
Me and Ally: (gasps)
Don: USD.
Me and Ally: (gasps)
Don: Wait, it doesn’t end there. There was a $75 service fee.
Me and Ally: (opens mouths to gasp)
Don: EACH.
Ally: (covers mouth)
Me: (rolls up sleeve and thrusts arm in middle of table to display goosebumps)
Don and Ally: (howls loudly in horror)
Sai: It’s fucked up. You guys should watch it. You’d like it. (smiles)
Sean: Oh, I see, I see.
Sean: (mutters to himself) No, I don’t actually see.
Dilsher: And he was also like, “No, we only recruit at executive level,” and I was like, “Well, your head is shaped like a box.”
Kaili: My body’s like, kale smoothie, but my mind’s like mImOsAs!! (flails)
(South of the Border starts playing)
Me: I be Ed Sheeran, you be Camila Cabello.
Jess: OH GOD NO!
Ally: And she said that I came in with my over-the-knee boots and cat sweater like I mean business!
Anviksha: Is there a holiday on March 8th? I think there’s something.
Me: (checks) Daylight Savings.
