Dustin: The thing with open marriages is that when one person proposes it, the other person is never like, “That’s a great idea!”
Author Archives: Irisa
Becca: There’s also some guy laughing to himself right beside me. I’m trying to avoid eye contact because I don’t want to get stabbed.
Daryl: You could have way worse problems.
Me: Yeah, like famine.
Daryl: That’s not where I was going but yeah sure, famine!
Quyen: And then he kissed me and it was all teeth and I was like, uuuhhhhhhhh……
Ivy: Just found a piece of feta cheese.
Me: (turns)
Ivy: On my pants.
Me: (looks down)
Ivy: And ate it.
Rui: You’re not going to find a perfect guy because let’s face it, we’re the perfect ones in their lives.
Me: Okay, let’s go there next time instead.
Kevin: NO! It’s dismal there. It’s like walking into a geriatric ward.
Colin: You know how you read about stories like this on Reddit? That’s you.
(on Chinese beef balls)
Ivy: I don’t know why you like them.
Kevin: They’re delicious.
Me: Listen, I’m not going degrade what you like but I just don’t understand it.
Ivy: I’m not that courteous. They’re disgusting.
Stan: Do you think Drake f*cks with his own music in the background?
Me and Val: (in unison) Yes.
My Friends Say Things 