Colin: You know how you read about stories like this on Reddit? That’s you.
Author Archives: Irisa
(on Chinese beef balls)
Ivy: I don’t know why you like them.
Kevin: They’re delicious.
Me: Listen, I’m not going degrade what you like but I just don’t understand it.
Ivy: I’m not that courteous. They’re disgusting.
Stan: Do you think Drake f*cks with his own music in the background?
Me and Val: (in unison) Yes.
Winston: I feel like I wouldn’t want to rob someone in America with a knife because I’d be afraid they have a gun.
Kimmy: I’m gonna be so hungover tomorrow, I’m just telling you guys that now.
Deshi: You had one drink.
Kimmy: I know.
Me: So you’re based out of Buffalo, right? How is that?
Melanie: (leans in and stares deeply into my eyes)
Melanie: Imagine Detroit but like, worse.
Razi: They were like, “Don’t ever come here again,” and I was like, yo I live here.
Val: This is how you know you’re in Russia. The paramedics were judging my dad for giving me wine and saying, “This wouldn’t be happening if she were drinking vodka.”
Me: This is fine, this is fine.
Christine: Who you trying to convince?!?
Jess: They kicked her!
Laura: She should’ve kicked them back.
Jess: So you’re saying she should’ve kicked the kid back.
My Friends Say Things 