Melinda: It was so budget! There was only hand soap in the bathroom, I was like, where’s the lotion??
Author Archives: Irisa
Cris: I tried applying Velour lashes on my own.
Me: OOH, THEY LOOK SO GOOD! How do you feel?
Cris: They feel like sun visors for my eyes.
Ray: Have you considered pursuing art?
Me: Oh man, imagine if I could actually make a living and take care of my family by pursuing art.
Ray: All you have to do is cut off your ear.
Ava: (scrolling Instagram) Good for you, girl. You be free, you go do you, but you still be fucking annoying.
Me: I didn’t know you had a desk plant. That’s adorable and endearing. Good for you. Not bad for a kid whose dream job was once warlord.
Daryl: Hey. That’s still my dream job.
(Alarm goes off)
Rui: Oh, fuck off.
Val: We gotta talk about something we can’t talk about in front of her.
Me: (gasps) What???
Val: …her.
Andy: Are you telling me you can’t just go onto a subway and pass the fuck out?
Me: Neither sandwich shop nor transit system, no.
Me: Hey, what do you want to do for your birthday? Do you wanna… GO OUTSIDE?
Me and Christine: (laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs)
Rachel: (shows me photo of Mateo the cat) All Mateo does is sleep.
Me: Is he depressed?
Rachel: I don’t know, I don’t think I can give him a diagnosis.
My Friends Say Things 