Candice: And then I realized I don’t need a boyfriend, I just need dick once in a while.
Author Archives: Irisa
Me: (sings)
Sean: Why are you doing this to us?
Me: Will men really destroy you?
Christine: Only if you let them.
Me: Oh my god, those are called LIFESAVERS? IS THAT WHY THOSE CANDIES ARE NAMED THAT?
Linda: Clearly a girl that’s never drowned before.
Ivy: It’s true. No one cares about accountants.
Fabienne: I wonder what Condoleezza Rice is up to these days.
Christine: It’s $150!!
Kathy: …did Jesus make it?
Anthony: Trying is for losers and dead people.
Derek: When was the last time you blacked out? I’d say, I blackout every time now. By choice.
Me: (bursts into uncontrollable laughter)
Christine: What happened?
Me: (continues laughing hysterically)
Christine: Are you okay? I’ll wait.
My Friends Say Things 