Andy: I found one of your hairs in my shirt and it was keeping me company.
Author Archives: Irisa
Timmy: And there was just this pile of diarrhea outside our door.
Brian: What date was this? Was I travelling?
Timmy: It was in August (shows picture on phone).
Brian: Oh. I’m thinking of a different pile of diarrhea.
Ivy: And the feds were on her side?
Me: The feds are always on the criminal’s side, Ivy.
Ivy: The feds ARE the criminals, Irisa.
Fab: So apparently the guy AND the girl are DJs__
Me: (eyes glaze over and begins to dissociate)
Fab: Hey, HEY come back!! (snaps fingers) I know what you’re doing!
Andy: Would you love me if I was a wormhole?
Me: Uh..
Mom: I’m a Trader Joe bitch.
Ivy: Mom!
Andy: So what was the plot?
Sinyi: Something about a unicorn…? And it granted wishes…?
Me: And this is Magic Mike?
Tracey: Well, sometimes he says, “older people” and he looks at me and I’m like, we’re the same age!
Ivy: And that’s what you are. Diarrhea girl. That’s all you do. Work and have diarrhea.
Me: And Avril Lavigne’s dating Tyga.
Andy: WHAT.
Becker: It’s true, google it.
Andy: GIRL what? Avril Lavigne’s still alive?
My Friends Say Things 