(Cruel Summer begins playing on radio)
Anthony Sr.: Anyway…
(Turns up volume)
Anthony Sr.: Let’s enjoy this.
Author Archives: Irisa
Me: They’re calling him the Diddler.
Becca: Isn’t that the name of an actual villain?
Andy: That’s the Riddler.
Me: It was a thought exercise in, “If i were to even have a kid, would I get along with them?”
Dustin: Literally a fuck around and find out situation.
Me: Do you want me to host a Bachelorette dating thing for you?
Becca: First of all, do you even know any men? Like straight men?
Me: How dare you.
Qiqi: He drinks everyday, he’s a doctor, and he has gout. That tells you everything you need to know.
Christabelle: I don’t want to lose.
Me: But who wins?
Christabelle: Yeah, you’re right.
Me: You never want to lose an arm because of the TTC.
Andy: When do I want to lose an arm?
Me: And they let you get away with it?
Eugene: Yeah, I just say, “My bad, I’m dumb.”
Becca: It’s—wait, I was gonna say it’s Friday but it’s not.
Me: It’s literally Tuesday. Wait no, it’s Wednesday.
Josh: And I was like, the cops will help me.
Kendall: (snorts)
My Friends Say Things 